Top
  >  Covid-19 Quarantine   >  Quarantine Day #43: 21 Days of Abundance and Saying Goodbye to Abusive Men

I’m done. Done with loneliness and feeling sorry for myself. Totally over it. Pulled up my big girl panties and moving on.

Now that’s said and finalized, a new chapter started anew, a fresh week by waking up (not by choice) at 3:30 am and listening to podcast sermons and meditations until I finally gave up on going back to sleep, made a big ass cup of espresso, and headed to the patio to greet the morning sunrise while Emerson slept in.

Oh, what blissful quiet and productive time by myself no kid allowed! After drinking my coffee and catching up on social, I started my 21 Day Meditation Challenge Creating Abundance journey guided by Deepak Chopra with friends via WhatsApp.

As the names of the people who have helped me on my journey poured through my heart, I was filled with an abundance of love and the phrase of the day: “Today I behold all the abundance that surrounds me.”

Our first task: write the names of 50 people who have influenced your life. My first thought was “Really? This is going to take F-O-R-E-V-E-R.” Then as soon as the first names flew off my fingertips onto the keyboard and into my journal, it was finished in less than five minutes! As the names of the people who have helped me on my journey poured through my heart, I was filled with an abundance of love and the phrase of the day: “Today I behold all the abundance that surrounds me.” It resonated deep within me and before even thinking about it, I texted everyone on my list, which had grown to 63 (and counting) souls.

Self portrait as ambassador for Two Neighbors non-profit fashion company.

The people I DID NOT message were all my ex-husbands and boyfriends…

YOU, out of everyone on my list, have helped me see more than anyone, that I deserve better.

The people I DID NOT message were all my ex-husbands and boyfriends. However, each and every one of YOU influenced me and contributed to my growth and development the most, even though you were all toxic and abusive. YOU, out of everyone on my list, have helped me see more than anyone, that I deserve better than a grown man who ignores me with a silent treatment for X amount of days (and counting), a man who put me into a wheelchair, a man threw me against walls, a man who threatened to kill me and my friends in private and public, a man who quit his job for years and became an addict forcing me into the position of caretaker and provider, a man who is a dead beat dad, a man who smashed my face into the dashboard of my car and threw my head into the window of the passenger door, a man who raped me, and many of you who cheated on me (in no particular order). What YOU ALL taught me was THAT’S NOT HEALTHY and THAT’S NOT LOVE. It doesn’t matter what the fight is about. I’ve worked so hard to get away from physical abuse and toxic situations and that’s what this is/was. Emotional, mental, verbal, financial, and physical abuse.

AND I DESERVE BETTER.

Self portrait as ambassador for Two Neighbors non-profit fashion company.

I’m done with abuse and I want to publicly say “THANK YOU” to each and every one of you abusive men for making me a stronger, more resilient, more beautiful woman than I ever could have imagined was possible.

In this new space today, I’ve felt a deep Shakubuku (折伏), a “break and subdue” moment, or as the writers of Grosse Point Blank put it: “a swift, spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever.” This Shakubuku moment riveted my entire being inward to outward. I’m done with abuse and I want to publicly say “THANK YOU” to each and every one of you abusive men for making me a stronger, more resilient, more beautiful woman than I ever could have imagined was possible. Each of you changed my life forever for the better in the end. Who would have thunk it?

My life is full of abundance and I write this wearing a bikini on my patio in 82°F sunny weather during the quarantine, with the seawater, rainbow parrotfish, stingrays, and lobster 10’ from my toes, a bountiful garden consisting of tomato plants over 6’ high, and a gorgeous little sun baby painting art pieces in the sunshine and playing in our makeshift splash pad full of happiness and joy. My life is abundant and amazing and I couldn’t have been brave enough to be here was it not for each and every one of you.

I am a gorgeous woman inside and out… and I’m only going to get better from here.

I have a beautiful life full of abundance. I am a gorgeous woman inside and out, full of ambition, adventure, and love. And I’m only going to get better from here. So thank you – for helping me grow into the amazing woman I am today.

Portrait Photographer, Writer, and Consultant LaRae Lobdell is an environmental portrait photographer, host, and instructor with over 20 years of experience photographing, directing, producing exhibits, and speaking in the photography industry. She focuses on providing artists, actors, models, and companies with lifestyle and conceptual imagery for promotional use and branding. Her approach is very contemporary, her work has a timeless elegance, and she represents the grace, distinction, and style that is possible in photography. Her curriculum vitae includes 21 photography exhibits of her own work, the curation of 15 exhibits for other artists’ and museums, the production of 13 private and community events, and two year’s experience as director of one of Seattle’s largest art walks. Her images have been published in The Huffington Post, Broadway World, Yale University Magazine, Martha Stewart Weddings Magazine, and even aired on the Colbert Report. LaRae’s position as a lead host for online educational giants such as CreativeLive and Polaroid University gave her the unique opportunity as one of an elite group of professionals to connect a live global audience to top renowned professionals in photography, video, design, business, audio, music, software design, productivity, and lifestyle. She brought her network to BLACKRAPID as their Culture Liaison, facilitating close working relationships between influencers and organizations for promotional sales and marketing. Grateful to be a stay-at-home mom while balancing a rewarding career in the photography industry, this proud single mom enjoys a nomadic traveling lifestyle between Seattle and the Florida Keys with her daughter, Emerson.

Comments:

  • Jeannine

    May 5, 2020

    I am so happy you made to this place. Can’t wait to meet your little one someday, she’s so fortunate to have you as her mom.

    reply...

post a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.