Journal Entry: November 27, 2015

Gratefulness, Recovery, and the Art of My Work

|

Day 43: For the last 20 years I have been hyper-obsessed with trying to find my true purpose in life. I have filled my time on this earth trying to achieve as much as possible, and to feel fulfilled by doing those achievements for others.

Throughout this experience of being in a traumatic accident with pelvis injuries I have had to stop my search for purpose. I have been physically and mentally limited to just a few basic functions. I haven’t been able to work my dream job filming education for Polaroid, in fact, I had only shot a few days of Season 1 before this happened. I haven’t been able to volunteer with my church, something that was giving me great fulfillment. I can’t clean or tend to my home which I take great pride in. I can’t go fishing, cook for my fiancé or friends, nor can I go for a walk out in the sunshine to refresh my mind.

All I have been able to do is rest and to just be present in this exact moment. No plans. No fulfilling myself with achievements. No to do list. I am finding I can just “be” and feel complete and whole for this moment.

And that is enough.

Photographer and author, LaRae Lobdell, coming to peace finding gratefulness, recovery, and the art in her work., November 27, 2015.

Photographer and author, LaRae Lobdell, coming to peace finding gratefulness, recovery, and the art in her work., November 27, 2015.