Journal Entry: November 27, 2015
Gratefulness, Recovery, and the Art of My Work
Day 43: For the last 20 years I have been hyper-obsessed with trying to find my true purpose in life. I have filled my time on this earth trying to achieve as much as possible, and to feel fulfilled by doing those achievements for others.
Throughout this experience of being in a traumatic accident with pelvis injuries I have had to stop my search for purpose. I have been physically and mentally limited to just a few basic functions. I haven’t been able to work my dream job filming education for Polaroid, in fact, I had only shot a few days of Season 1 before this happened. I haven’t been able to volunteer with my church, something that was giving me great fulfillment. I can’t clean or tend to my home which I take great pride in. I can’t go fishing, cook for my fiancé or friends, nor can I go for a walk out in the sunshine to refresh my mind.
All I have been able to do is rest and to just be present in this exact moment. No plans. No fulfilling myself with achievements. No to do list. I am finding I can just “be” and feel complete and whole for this moment.
And that is enough.